Updated: Oct 4, 2020
So, most of you have probably been reading my previous blogs for a while now (thank you for the support!), but it wouldn’t be a proper platform if I don’t share how this platform truly transformed my life. Taking a look back over my experiences, I notice that RAW Honey wasn't created by me--it was created for me, and for people like me.
There are circumstances in your life that may derail your whole “normal” development journey, but ironically creates a journey and testimony that was worth the obstacles and create a beautiful and unique “normal”. For me, it began with losing my mama. When my mama passed away in 2007, at age 14, I quickly became introduced to making unnatural choices to save others. Because my family wasn’t open to collectively expressing this tragedy, I had to become the family comforter. This also meant that I had to shut down any emotions that I experienced of losing my mom to make sure that others were okay, and that the family stayed intact. To this day, I call this my “emergency” mode. When a crisis happens, I shut down personal needs and emotions to respond to and serve as the rescue of others. Because of this, I spent the next 10 years never grieving about my mom, just grieving that my family fell apart and that things changed so harshly for my personal life when she passed.
“To this day, I call (this) my “emergency” mode. When a crisis happens, I shut down personal needs and emotions to respond to and serve as the rescue of others.”
In this time, I was introduced to suicidal thoughts and attempts, lack of self and personal esteem, lack of social support, being told that my emotions are not valid, abuse, and other things that rooted from this day. I realized that the negative behaviors of myself and others created a trauma narrative that dictated my life as I moved forward for the next 10 years.
"TEN YEARS. OF TRAUMA. And, I never knew."
In this ten years, I could not be in a healthy friendship because I didn’t know how to be a friend and I didn’t know what I needed. I couldn’t be healthy in a relationship because I transferred the things my family did into a partnership, not understanding how toxic it was. I didn’t make decisions for myself because I grew up so young, I didn’t learn how to make decisions for myself, but learned early how to put myself aside for others. It was a long season of fighting brokenness and learning how to develop through a traumatized mind. I went through so many traumas in those ten years, but we won’t have time to unpack them all today. The point is, I was broken. I didn’t know how to produce or receive emotions. I didn’t take care of my body. I had traumatic dreams nightly. I missed months of school (during graduate school). I drowned and drowned until the last moment, two years ago, where I had a gun to my head, ready to end it forever--
“…and no one knew that I was even struggling.”
What I never realized, is that God was preparing things for me, even when I didn’t see myself living to the next day. Even when I was completely struggling, He saw light. And I didn’t want to believe that I had any light, especially in my dark ideologies and circumstances. But through the provision of God, we all truly do, have light.
So, this platform was put on my spirit, not to “save” others, but remind that God is a God of healing. Of Restoration to broken places. A provider, and revitalizes the life that was once truly dead. I learned that not only did I have the strength within to restore, but that I deserve to be revitalized by God, and knowing that He already had a plan for me, even through my darkest moments!
“I didn’t want to believe that I had any light, especially in my dark ideologies and circumstances. But through the provision of God, we all truly do, have light.”
I strive to create a brave and safe space for others who have been through any difficulties to unpack and express who they are, where they have been, and who they are designed to be, validating this package together without leaving one part out. I want others to learn that it is okay to be you. I want to support others' self-permission to be patient and brave with yourself on this journey of self-discovery, because there is no destination—only daily learning another beautiful attribute about yourself that you already possessed. This platform serves as a place where we can experience the energy of wounding, healing, growth and empowerment through the strength of our joined testimonies. This platform reminded me that I, and we, are valuable.
“I want to support others' self-permission to be patient and brave with yourself on this journey of self-discovery, because there is no destination—only daily learning another beautiful attribute about yourself that you already possessed.”
This platform brings awareness to the people, places, thoughts, actions, decisions, and experiences that may have kept us bound from being our true selves. The reason that I could not get out for ten years is because I didn’t understand how I got in! Awareness is understanding how I got in, how to find a way out, and how to stay out of the broken place. I didn’t understand what behaviors were toxic, what people were unhealthy, what I was worthy of, and what would sustain my worth. I wasn’t aware of the enemy’s tactics, of what true love looked like, or how broken others around me were. This platform helped me to sharpen my senses to recognize what would help me to grow and to quickly share with others so that we can all grow. I wasn’t aware that for ten years I was in emergency mode and emotionless. I wasn’t aware that love is NOT abusive (physically, EMOTIONALLY, mentally, or spiritually). I wasn’t aware that I had worth to the world, and what that worth looked like. I wasn’t aware of people who had motives to hurt. I wasn’t aware of the strength I had inside to overcome obstacles. So, I share this platform to help others feel comfortable and patient in taking time to become more grounded and aware of their life and what is in it. I seek to share strategies, tips, and actions that will all of continue to get one step closer to self-efficacy, security, and stability. We deserve it.
“The reason that I could not get out for ten years is because I didn’t understand how I got in! Awareness is understanding how I got in, how to find a way out, and how to stay out of the broken place.”
Most of all, this platform help to realize that I DO have a purpose in this world, and it was already pre-ordained, Creator-designed, so all I need to do is BE. WALK. BELIEVE. That’s it. You being (not existing, being) you fulfills the purpose. No additives--just your RAW Honey. This platform helped me to understand that once I knew my reason for existing and took hold of my gifts, it would make life worth living. It would make me feel well and whole in everything that I do. It will bring peace, joy, security, and value to my life. It would protect me from the harmful things in the world. It would help me to be FREE.
“I DO have a purpose in this world, and it was already God-ordained, Creator-designed, and pre-destined, so all I need to do is BE. WALK. BELIEVE. And the purpose is fulfilled. That’s it.
So, I want to share this freedom with others. Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are, unapologetically, exactly as you are, while finding out more about yourself each and every day in this journey. Know that you are NO mistake, and NO ONE, nor NOTHING can take away who you are meant to be. Through my blogs, podcasts, artistic productions and expressions I will share the numerous ways that we can collectively feel encouraged and empowered to release from the captivity of the world’s perception and fly free into who you are designed to be.
“Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are, unapologetically, exactly as you are, while finding out more about yourself each and every day in this journey. Know that you are NO mistake, and NO ONE, nor NOTHING can take away who you are meant to be.”
So, that is a small synapse behind the passion and meaning of RAW Honey, and I only PRAY that it impacts your life in the positive and monumental ways that is has impacted my life.