Updated: Oct 4, 2020
A perfect day to represent Kujichagulia. A year ago was a monumental day, as it marks one-year since I cut all of my hair off. Now of course, everyone knows that I like to change my hair often, but this was more than a hairstyle.
In my season of growth and reflection, I realized that there were quite a few things that I held onto and used to determine who I was, which hid the trueness of who I REALLY was. One primary physical characteristic was having LONG, THICK, “pretty” (whatever that is) hair. I came to terms that I struggled with my perception of my beauty, and holding onto to false idolized beauty standards contributed heavily to this. Basically, I thought I was ONLY “pretty” because I had long hair. That is all everyone pointed out. Something else I truly struggled with is how to do things that makes myself happy. I considered other’s opinion of my happiness to reign over my view of happiness, substantially to the point that I had no understanding or view of my personal happiness, which equates to no personal happiness. Yeah, I said it. Other’s people’s view of your happiness is not your happiness.
So, I decided I needed to make a change.
A change so drastic that it would shake everyone up, including myself, and let them know that I am taking myself back.
So, on December 27, 2017, in Sweethead Naturals Salon in St. Louis, I sat in the chair, and I said “please cut all of this off”.
Now note, I didn’t say hair, but with her license, that is all she knew how to cut. But, what she did cut was more than my luscious locks. As I saw the pieces falling to the ground, I saw my insecurities falling, my need for approval, my fear of not being enough, my urge of judgement – I saw the shell, the mask, lying right on the floor that I didn’t even know I had on. I then DARED to look up at myself, and I smiled and laughed, because I was meeting a new lady for the first time.
Since then, I have cut my hair three more times, so it wasn’t just a phase or season. It was a moment. A breaking. A beginning. I made a lot of people very upset, sad, confused, and frustrated over my hair. OVER MY HAIR. I quickly learned that I allowed these unnecessary burdens of others to cast a shadow over my life. These unfair labels. These unneeded standards. I learned that no matter how others feel about my decisions, I have to be the one who is truly happy with me. And man, was I!? I also share this to promote others, and myself, to not fixate on the feelings of others, but find a sense of happiness for self. I am not going to act like it was not hard losing my “golden attribute”. I assure mys